


What Stars Won't Tell

by summoner_yuna_of_besaid



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: ADHD Character, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, M/M, Transformers Age of Extinction, Transformers AoE spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-11 10:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2064867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summoner_yuna_of_besaid/pseuds/summoner_yuna_of_besaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The problem with realizations is, they don’t always come when they need to.  Sometimes, they come months after the fact, when he’s knee deep in grease and grime trying to program the laundry-folding-bot, thinking about how much it pisses him off that Optimus just fucking left, just like that, with barely a word, and the thought that he’ll never see him again hurts like losing his wife all over – and oh Jesus H. Christ he’s in love with Optimus Prime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revelations

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [What Stars Won't Tell 群星的秘密](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2149299) by [PinkZebra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkZebra/pseuds/PinkZebra)



> i loved AoE so much more than I thought I would, and I absolutely adore this pairing. So this was born. It'll only be a few chapters long I think but it might spawn sequels, who knows.

The star was Beta Orionis, the brightest star in the constellation Orion, the seventh brightest in the whole sky… Rigel.  Well, it was actually three stars, but from such a great damn distance the brightest over shown the other two – and given that it was 120,000 times brighter than the frickin’ Sun, no wonder.

He was getting off track.

So the star was named Rigel, from the Arabic “ _riǧl_ _al-ǧabbār” –_ foot of the great one.  Great one being that enormous square shaped guy in the sky.  Cade wasn’t really sure how Orion counted as a person up there, all awkward shaped and weird looking, but apparently he was.  The Great Hunter, or something.  He wasn’t much of an astronomer.

But anyway, that was the star.  It made sense, in a roundabout fashion.  Orion was the big guy, the giant warrior, towering over the other mythical characters in the cosmos.  And in Orion, Rigel was the brightest of the stars.  Almost as bright as his spark had been.

“Damnit, Cade,” The man grumbled, before taking another sip of his beer.  “This a new low, even for you.”

Here he was, sitting on the roof of a motor home, overlooking his half built actual home, staring up at the sky like the forlorn teenager he used to be.  Like he had been doing for the last few weeks, every night, staring up at the sky at Orion, his belt, and the bright star that made up his right leg.

There were a lot of stories about Orion.  They all varied in some ways, but a few things stayed the same.  He was the world’s greatest hunter, a powerful warrior, skilled blacksmith, handsome and mighty.  The son of Gods and Amazon queens.  Someone so amazing, so wonderful, he deserved to be up there, floating above everybody else… so far out of reach. 

There were versions of the story were he fell in love with the goddess Artemis, and her brother Apollo deemed him unworthy.  (Harsh.  But then, Cade had done something similar not too long ago.)  He tricked her into killing him, and then he was placed in the sky.  Damned for daring to love someone too good for him, for loving a God.  Maybe Cade had made the same mistake.

Now, he was getting his metaphors mixed up.  Was he Orion in this story, or was Opti…

Sighing, Cade’s eyes slid shut, shoulders slouching, turning away from the sky.

It had been almost six months since the fight in Hong Kong, and Optimus Prime’s abrupt departure from the world, and Cade’s life.  What had only been a handful of days, maybe a week, felt like a lifetime to him.  So much had changed.  From a down-on-his-luck inventor and single father, drowning in bills, to an unlikely celebrity and father of a college freshman, attending school on full scholarship thanks to one Joshua Joyce.

The world had exploded in the aftermath of Hong Kong and the revelations it brought.  The Autobots were heroes again, the tragedy of their damnation revealed to all.  Cade, Tessa, and Shane had all been put under the limelight, but where the children embraced it, Cade rejected it entirely.  He didn’t want interviews, book deals, tv show specials.  He just wanted to tinker and toy and work on his house.

Yes, Joshua had offered to have the house built for him, and Cade almost took him up on it.  But it was so much trouble.  Work crews spent more time gawking at the Autobots when they came by to visit, or triyng to get his autograph.  Those that would work, rarely went along with his improvements and innovations.  He didn’t have the patience to put up with them, so eventually, he turned them all away.  He wanted to build this house, his last house, the house he’d be spending the rest of his life in –

_-alone, no wife, no kid, not even a dog_ –

He wanted it to be perfect.  Something had to go right around here.

The Autobots had offered to help, but they had their hands full.  In their own way, they were celebrities too, dealing with the press, the government, the efforts to rebuild.  As official refugees again, they were being given a place to live and work, a way to contact other Autobots and call them home.  This time, there was no CIA involvement whatsoever – and most if not all of the CIA and Cemetery Wind had been replaced or disbanded.  NEST was back, as were many old faces who had worked with the bots.  Cade could hardly blame Bumblebee or the others for being happy to see their friends again.

As for Tessa, she was at school, and sincerely enjoying it.  Every week during their phone calls she seemed so happy, despite the stress and the headaches, the workload and the struggle.  She excelled under pressure.  Listening to her talk with such enthusiasm about anything and everything was music to his ears.  He could listen forever.  In those moments, she sounded the most like her mother.

Her first semester was almost over, and winter break was coming.  At least then he’d have company at the house for a while… though the house was hardly livable yet. One man working on tweaking and building an entire property was a lot of work.  Hence, the mobile home.   Good thing Joshua was footing the bill.

But none of those things were really Cade’s problem.  The troubles with the house, missing his kid, his friends on the Autobots… those really weren’t what was sticking in his craw.

Cade opened his eyes and lifted them back up to Rigel, to that shimmering star.

_Optimus_.

Cade had been in love before.  Oh yes, he had, and it had hit him like a semi truck – no pun intended – back then, too.  A realization all at once, like an ACME brick dropped on his head.  He just knew, this was the one, this was the person he had to be with come hell or high water, long as he lived.  Or… she lived, in that case.  Cade felt his mouth go dry and took another sip of beer.

The problem with realizations is, they don’t always come when they need to.  Sometimes, they come months after the fact, when he’s knee deep in grease and grime trying to program the laundry-folding-bot, thinking about how much it pisses him off that Optimus just fucking left, just like that, with barely a word, and the thought that he’ll never see him again hurts like losing his wife all over – and oh Jesus H. Christ he’s in love with Optimus Prime.

“What the fuck is wrong with me,” He mutters to himself desperately, and drinks the rest of the beer in one glug.

See, it’s not that Optimus is a guy.  Cade’s never really thought about his sexuality (no dating household), he’s only ever been with the love of his life before.  After her, it wasn’t an issue, anymore.  But being in love with a guy, it doesn’t mess with him, love is love. 

The fact that the guy is a fifty foot tall alien robot?  Nah, that doesn’t bother him either.  In fact, it makes complete fucking sense.  Of course he’d fall in love with a goddamn sentient robot, it sounds just like something he’d be stupid enough to do.

But to fall for Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, the best damn guy Cade’s ever known in his life?  Who just rocketed to the stars and might not be back within Cade’s lifetime?

Yeah, he’s fucked.

* * *

So, the problem isn’t exactly that he’s in love, or that he’s in love with a giant alien robot.  It’s just the fact that the giant alien robot fucking _took off_ into outer space and might never be coming back and Cade will never have the chance to tell him, to tell him –

To tell him what?

Tell Optimus Prime that Cade Yaeger, high school drop-out and unemployed widow, loves him?  What a laugh.   The Optimus Prime, in love with a human being, and of all of them, him?  Yeah, that’s not happening.  It would never happen.

And yet…

It just irks him.  Like an itch in his side that won’t leave.  The thought that ten, fifteen, twenty years might pass before Optimus will come back and all that time, he won’t know.  Won’t know how Cade lays up at night thinking about his voice, his eyes, the warmth of his frame.  Won’t know how he trembles at that rumbling baritone, or smiles at his awkward humor.  How selfless he is, how honorable he is, and how noble, despite everything, despite all he’s lost and how many times he’s been betrayed.

That he might never come back.  That he might never know.

But there’s nothing he can do about that.  Optimus is gone, off on his mission, and Cade is stuck here, with a half built empty house and no direction, no drive.  It’s like the adventure ended, and he was left with the scraps.  With a friend to bury, a daughter to say goodbye to, no house to go home to.  Everyone else got the new start, the happy ending, the next big quest.

And he’s just here.  Waiting.  With a secret burning on the tip of his tongue and no one to tell it to.

* * *

If he can just make it to December, he’ll be fine.

That’s what Cade’s been telling himself, amidst all the work.  On top of his odd jobs and personal projects, now he’s got a whole laundry list of things to do.  Not all of it is his expertise either, but he’s learning as he goes, which is… an experience.  Dry-walling was a whole hell of a lot of fun. 

After what felt like years but was really about a month, demolition and clearing the old lot was finally done.  Then, he started planning what he wanted for the new house, which was supposed to be all finished before he started, but he just – kept changing what he wanted.  Adding new ideas, adjusting old ones.  His blueprints looked like something a four year old had gotten ahold of. 

Slowly, and surely, he was getting shit done, even if his mind was constantly drifting, even worse than usual.  He couldn’t help thinking about Tessa, and what she might be doing, or Bumblebee and the others and how they were fairing.  About Optimus, where he might be, if he was alright, if he…

Work was about the only thing that could shake those thoughts off.  Work, and the ever present hope of…

Cade was drawn out of his thoughts by the blare of his ringtone, and a grin popped on his face.  Setting his hammer aside, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket, and put it to his ear.  “Hey, baby!”  Grinning, Cade sat back, breathing hard.  “How’s it going?  Finals over yet?”

“Ugh, I wish,” Tessa said through the phone, sounding almost as exhausted as he was.  His grin brightened at her voice.  “Two more to go, another week and I’m done.”

“That means one semester down, seven to go!  Congrats.”

Giggling, the girl replied, “Thanks, Dad.” 

“So, what are you going to do to celebrate?”

“Well the Bots invited me to stay at their new base for Winter break.”  Tessa started.  “They’ve got a really nice place set up, and I’d love to meet Sam and the others, after everything we’ve heard about them.”

“Oh.”  Hesitating, Cade dragged his hand along his jeans, tapped his fingers on his thigh.  “That sounds cool.  How long do you plan on going?”

“Only a week or so, because Shane has a race in Florida, and we planned to go sight-seeing and make it a vacation after.”

“Neat,” Cade forced himself to say after much too long a pause.  Gnawing on his lip, he turned his head.  “Neat.”

“You okay Dad?”

“Yeah, I’m good, just – you know – tinkering, kinda distracted.”  More like blistering out under the Texan sun, trying to put shingles on a roof.

“So, is it okay?  If I go?”

God, he wanted to say no.  But what kind of man would that make him?  She sounded so damn excited.  He could just imagine the look on her face, the hope, the joy… “Course you can, sweetheart.”  He mumbled with a smile.  His look brightened at her cheery response, even as his own hopes started to crumble.

“How’s the house?”

“House is great!  House is – fine.”  House is barely built and not up to code, but she didn’t have to know that.  She’d just insist on coming home and helping and ruining her winter break. 

“You sure you’re okay up there?  You don’t have to stay by yourself.”

And what, dump the lonely old guy on everyone else and ruin the fun?  “I’ll be fine, Tessa.  You have a good time.”

Usually, talks with his daughter left him feeling lighter.  That day, after he hung up the phone, he felt lower than dirt.

* * *

He lasted another week before he finally snapped.

“God fucking damnit!”  With a furious curse he tossed the level across the room, watched it careen towards the tarp covering the hole where a wall should be, and tumble out to the grass below.  After more than three times trying to get the damn door level, he still couldn’t hang it right.  He couldn’t even finish his daughter’s fucking room, but he wanted to have her stay for winter break? 

Huffing and puffing and red in the face, Cade stood back up, chest heaving.  Enough was enough.  For the last few months he’d been all but trapped in the past.  Stuck on losing Tessa, and Optimus, and Lucas, and everything and everyone else that was gone.  Enough.  Was.  Enough.  Grown men don’t pine for what’s lost and lose sight of the future. 

After a moment, Cade sighed, rubbing his sweat laden hand over his sweat laden forehead and doing not a lick of good.  Another huff, and his arm dropped, and he turned his exhausted body towards the open space where a door was supposed to be, stepping into what would one day be a hallway.  Currently, it was a half-way boarded obstacle course with paint cans scattered about. 

Cade made his way over the holes in the floor, down the staircase that still didn’t have a railing, past the kitchen that was basically comprised of a sink, cabinets with no doors, and a ceiling fan that still wouldn’t do as it was told.  (Apparently, the clap on, clap off technology was not easily applicable to such devices.)

He left his disaster of a house, entered the mobile home, and didn’t come out for three days.  That was how long it took him to design and create the transceiver.

It was one of his better ideas.  Repairing Optimus had taught him a good bit about Transformers, including how they communicated.  Every Autobot had their own radio frequency that could be communicated with even in deep space, millions of miles apart.  While he only vaguely knew how it worked, he had some ideas, and he knew exactly what Optimus’s frequency was.

And he was going to do something really, really stupid with it.

It probably wouldn’t even work, he told himself as he built, hands trembling, his lip ever caught between his teeth.  Honestly, it was a ridiculous notion.  To think he could replicate the Transformers radio system and use it to talk to the big guy?  Ludicrous.  He wasn’t that good.  He was barely any good.

But he kept working.  Kept pushing himself, through sleepless nights and hours without eating.  He forgot his meds twice in a row and was forced to quit when he got so nauseous he couldn’t stand.  Yet eventually, three days later, he finally did it.  A functional Autobot transmitter, built from scraps of alien tech and the shit he had left over from his old barn.

“Yeah,” Cade whispered, breathlessly, hands extended in reverent awe of his creation.  “I’m good.”  For a moment, he really believed it.

Then the doubts came crawling in.  Would it really work?  Did he want it to work?  Because if it did – then – the thought of his ridiculous, overly emotional drivel actually reaching Optimus –

Did he really want to do this?

Frowning, Cade lowered his arms and clenched his fists.   Yes, he wanted to.  He hadn’t worked so hard to let this thing sit on a shelf, untested.  Besides, it would keep bothering him if he did nothing, and he had to let it go and move on.  Otherwise it would never leave him. 

“Well then,” Cade muttered, lifting a hand to the dial.  “Here goes nothing.”

* * *

Optimus was halfway to the space port when he heard it.

“Is something wrong?”

Optics narrowed, Optimus looked off behind him, towards Earth, far too far away to be seen and yet a constant presence in his mind, a memory he couldn’t shake.  The planet had given him so much, and cost him so much, and it was the closest to home he had, now that Cybertron was gone.  And on Earth, … he had left many precious ones behind.

But not all those who were precious to him were still on Earth.

“I’m fine, Magnus, just a small error,” The mech insisted, turning to his friend.  “My transmitter may be malfunctioning; I’m receiving a – strange signal.”

Ultra Magnus said nothing, cocking an eyebrow, before he nodded.  “Shall we go?  The ship will be leaving within the joor.”

Sighing, Optimus took to walking beside his friend through the enormous space port, filled with alien life of all kinds and sizes.  “Is there no deterring you from this path?”

“If you are on this mission, so am I.”  Magnus insisted.  “Hiding the seed is of paramount importance.”   While he might not have been on Earth for the mission, Magnus could recognize the importance of keeping such a thing out of Galvatron – formerly Megatron’s – hands.  When they’d bumped into each other in the last star cluster, Optimus had been thrilled to find his old friend, alive.  Now, he was a little more upset it hadn’t been on the way back, not there.

“So be it.”  Optimus nodded.  “Let’s roll –“

Then he heard it again – stronger this time, much stronger, and clearer.  A voice.  Shock and wonder ran through him, and he spun round, towards that phantom Earth.  He couldn’t help but smile.  “Cade?”

“Optimus, what’s –“

“Wait here.”  That was all he had to say for Ultra Magnus to stay put.  Optimus stepped away from him, before turning all his focus towards the transmission echoing in his auditory processors…

‘ _Well this might be the most idiotic stunt I’ve ever pulled.  If you can hear me Optimus, I want you to remember what I said about humans making mistakes, ‘cause if I’m making one now, well… I hope you can forgive me.  Here goes.’_

_‘A few months ago, I was just a guy struggling to get from day to day and get my girl into college.  Then I went and bought a shitty old truck, and I thought I’d finally found the break that would get us through… and I did.  Just not how I thought.’_

_‘Meeting you, and the other bots, seeing what I’ve seen… it changes you.  I can’t say how much it’s meant to me.  But I’m rambling, and avoiding the point, and… I don’t know how much longer this thing’s gonna work.’_

_‘The long story short is, in that week I knew you, Optimus, you became one of the most important people – bots – in the world to me.  Who you are, that soul you got shining inside you… there’s little better in the world.  And -  I love you for it.  I love you.  Which is stupid for all kinds of reasons, but, it is what it is.’_

_‘… I just – I guess I wanted you to know.  In case – you know.  You don’t make it back.  In time.”_

The transmission turned to grey static for a while, then clicked off.  And Optimus still stood completely stiff, staring at the distance, mouth agape. 

“Cade…?”   Of course, the man couldn’t hear him.  He was millions of miles away, on a distant planet Optimus might never see again.  He might never see _him_ again…

Love… Cade loved him?  It was a wonderful notion, but could it be true?  In the short time he’d known the man, he’d found him to be an exceptional individual.  Driven, passionate, honest, steadfast in his beliefs, a true ally the likes of which Optimus hadn’t known since Sam Witwicky and his friends.  The man had touched something in Optimus, reawaken the faith he’d almost lost, the compassion that had been darkened by loss and suffering.  For a while, he’d lost himself in the grief of war.  Cade had brought him through it, repaired his frame and his spark.

But, did he love him?

He was a human, frail and short-lived, so very different.  Yet, Optimus had found humans to be fantastic, wonderful beings at times, who made loyal and true companions.  But, love?  A spark mate?  Could it be?

He… wasn’t sure.  But if he left on that ship…

“Sir, if we are leaving, we must go now.”

Still staring back, Optimus felt guilt and regret welling up inside him.  If only he’d stayed a little longer.  He could have hesitated, he could have at least spoken to him in private, given a better goodbye…

“Sir?”

Optimus forced himself to turn to Magnus, ashamed of his distraction from duty.  The look on his fellow’s face was indulgent, gentle even.  Ultra Magnus approached, reaching out and taking the seed from his hands. 

“It has occurred to me,” Ultra Magnus began.  “That this does not seem to be an appropriate distribution of our resources, sir.”

Optimus blinked.  “How so?”

“Hiding the seed really only takes one bot.”  Magnus insisted.  “Yet, two of us are here, and our comrades on planet Birth –“

“Earth,”

“Yes, that, are leaderless.  With the youngling Bumblebee and those buffoons left in charge, there won’t be a base to return to.”

“That… is a fair point.”

“Of course, I could go to Earth.” Ultra Magnus offered.  “But I have no experience with the planet, and my – dedication to the regulations of leadership might not be as well received as your style of leadership.”  A smirk appeared on the bot’s face.  “Perhaps – I should go alone?”

His whole frame rebelled against it.  Letting another Autobot take on a deadly mission he’d meant to take himself?  For his own selfish desires?   And while Magnus’s argument had some sense to it, still… this felt selfish.  It felt wrong.

“Optimus,” The mech began, placing a servo on the other’s shoulder.  “I don’t know what’s happened, but something is bothering you.  If you do not face it now, it will distract you from your duty in the future.  I am a seasoned Autobot leader, am I not? I believe I can be trusted with this mission.  Unless, you doubt my performance, sir.”  He said all this with complete honesty and respect, forcing Optimus to admit that yes, Magnus was completely capable.  And he was right.

“If that is what you wish.”  Optimus finally agreed, nodding.  Then, he smiled.  “Thank you.”

Magnus smiled in return, and they shook servos.  “Until we meet again, Prime.”

“Until then.”

And he was off, turning back around… for Planet Earth.


	2. Return Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cade receives a visitor.

A week passed and somehow, things really didn’t get that much better.

Yes, he’d gotten everything off his chest, and it had been less of a distraction.  But that didn’t mean Cade didn’t still miss Optimus like a dog without a bone.  The world felt empty without his enormous presence taking up the sky.  Every time Cade thought about it, he’d chide himself, feeling ridiculous.  How could a bot he’d known for such a short time make such a big difference?

That was just Optimus for you.  Brave, kind, gentle, selfless, and so damn charismatic the bot just about made you love him from the start.  How could you not?  He was too good not to.  Cade never stood a chance.

Still, he had a life to live, and he couldn’t spend it pining for the long-gone bot. 

“Suck it up, Cade,” He told himself one morning over his second cup of coffee, after a long night of little sleep.  “You’ve got work to do.”

* * *

He kept himself busy.

Working meant less thinking, and that meant less feeling lost and empty and more alone than he’d ever been.  The house was so damn quiet he could hardly stand it.  Most days he’d blast his music over the custom music player, a headache to make, but a blessing  - instead of playing CD’s or the radio, it took music directly from the internet.  Not exactly legal, but… it did drown the silence out.

It was exhausting, but that was better than the loneliness. 

He didn’t have to stay at the house of course; he could’ve gone to the Autobot base, joined them on their vacation… but somehow he just didn’t feel up to the effort, to pretending all was well.  Seeing his daughter would’ve been wonderful, but a short blessing before another long departure.  It would almost hurt more.  And the Autobots, much as he liked them, were just reminders of who wasn’t there…

So, no.  He didn’t feel like leaving the house.  He stayed, he worked night and day, struggled to sleep a few hours at night, then woke up and repeated the cycle. 

Until the day the Autobots called.

* * *

The phone rang, and Cade jumped, head ramming against the inside of the sink.  “Damn it!”  Rubbing the spot, he scooted out from under the cabinet, digging into his pants as he did.  “Hello?” 

“ _Hey there – long time no see – what’s up?”_

“Bumblebee?”  Smiling, the man began to stand, wiping a hand on his jeans.  He wavered a bit as he stood, dizziness assaulting him.  Whew… maybe he needed to it… what time was it?  “Hey, big guy.”

“ _How you doin’_?”

Unable to keep from laughing at hearing the voice of Joey from _Friends_ out of the phone, Cade grinned.  “Doing good.   How’s everybody?”

“ _Just fine, dear_.”

“Uh huh.  Is my daughter there yet?”

“Hi, dad!”

“Hey, sweetheart!”  Grinning ear to ear, Cade let his exhausted body lean against the countertop.  “How’re you?  Enjoying your break so far?”

“It’s been a blast, you should see this place, it’s amazing!  And there’s even more Autobots arriving every day, you won’t believe who showed up last night –“

Her words were interrupted by a cacophony of noise, as what sounded like more bots entered into the room she and Bumblebee were in.  It sounded like they were having a blast.  That was good.  Tired eyes sunk low, and his head drooped forward.  That was really good…

“Dad?”

“Yeah!”  Snapping up, Cade rubbed his head.  “Yeah, I’m here.”

“You okay?”

“Just – working on the house.  Tinkering.”

“You still haven’t finished it?  I thought Joshua would’ve had you in a mansion by now.”

“Oh, I mean, it’s done, I’m just – changing things up a bit, you know.”

“Uh huh.  Well, if you need anything, call, okay?”

“Sure, you know I will.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”  They both laughed at that, and said their goodbyes, and Cade hung up the phone with a vague sense of loss and ever growing emptiness.  But the exhaustion burned at the forefront of his mind, as he stretched tired muscles and decided to indulge in a very short nap.

* * *

Tessa frowned at the computer, arms across her chest.  Bumblebee turned to look back at her with a puzzled expression.

“ _What’s on your mind monkey butt_?”

She scowled playfully at him, gently kicking his leg with her foot.  “I’m just worried, is all.  If I know my dad – and I do – then he’s probably working himself to death and not taking anywhere near as good care of himself as he should.  He’d starve without somebody to remind him to eat once in a while.”

The sound of someone approaching from behind bid both of them turn round, to see Optimus Prime walking towards them.

“Is Cade unwell?”

“No… but,” Tessa admitted with a shrug.  “He’s just very tied up in his work.  I was supposed to go spend break with him…” A guilty yet reluctant expression appeared on her face.  “Maybe I should head over there.”

Optimus held up a hand.  “No need.”  He told her.  “I had hoped to see him myself, in the next few days; but if you fear for Cade’s health, I can depart in the morning.”

“Really?”  Tessa sent a grin his way.  “You’re the best, big guy.”

* * *

Building a house was the stupidest idea he’d ever had in his life.

Cursing under his breath, Cade angled the hammer towards the gutter, and kept banging away.  The sound was giving him a headache after a good hour or so of attaching the shit.  Who knew houses had so much goddamn work in them?  And with all the time he spent tweaking and toying with, well, everything, he barely had time to sleep.

But it was getting done, slowly and surely, and that was the important part.  He’d gotten lucky over winter break, but in the summer, he had to have a place for Tessa to stay, safely and comfortably.  He’d figure it out, somehow… even if it did almost kill him. 

He felt like death warmed over, baking under the Texan sun on the roof of his new home.  He finished the stretch of gutter he was attaching, and leaned away with an achy sigh. His whole back protested the movement, stiff from bending over so long and repeatedly.  But he still had a ways to go.  Grumbling, the man began to stand, to approach the rest of the supplies, and as he did, something caught his eye…

He froze, turning his gaze to the long path leading to the house.  Someone was turning into the driveway.  From such a distance it was hard to tell who, but it had to be an Autobot.  His mood began to lift somewhat at the thought of company.  But who was it?  Squinting, he stepped forward slightly, trying to make out the shape… he saw red… red and blue?  But who was red and blue and…

Cade’s whole body went still, mouth dropping open in numb shock.  “Optimus?”

He moved a moment later, foot slipping forward slightly, onto an unstable piece of roofing.  It cracked beneath him, and his leg slipped away from him, slamming him painfully against the roof on his left side.  Giving a loud curse, Cade dropped his hammer and grabbed at the roof, but he was already slipping away.  Hands scrambling for grip, he just barely managed to grab hold of the gutter, gripping for dear life with his heart pounding in his throat.

But it was a gutter, and not even a fully finished one, and it didn’t have the strength to hold a human’s weight.  It gave a loud, echoing creak, then another, bending in the middle, before it shattered with a sharp snap. 

“SHIT!”

The breath flew out of him as panic flooded his mind.  Cade hit the air in free fall, tumbling twenty feet down, aimed to the ground below – the ground which he never met.

Instead, he fell against warm metal, cradled in two giant hands the length of his whole body.  It sounded like thunder rumbling across the sky as Optimus dived for him, knees slamming into the ground, the big bot tumbling forward from the momentum.  He tucked in, holding Cade close to his chest, rolling into the ground before finally sliding to a halt.

It was as if the whole world stopped spinning.

Cade sat there, held by warm hands he knew so well, engulfed in the presence he could so easily recognize, shell shocked and gasping for breath.  Half of him was sure it was a dream.  The other half dismissed the notion because of how real the whole thing was: he could feel the smooth, warm metallic surface beneath him, pulsing with life; hear Optimus’s “breath” making his chest rising and fall; smell the tangy scent of oil and grease and metal. 

Breathlessly, he managed to mutter, “Optimus?”

The cage protecting him parted, hands drifting aside, to reveal a smiling face with wide concerned optics.  “Are you alright, Cade Yaeger?”

For a moment, Cade just stared at them.   Then he burst into bright laughter.  “I’m great, big guy.”  He finally said.  “I’m doing great.”

* * *

It turned out that ‘great’ was something of an exaggeration.

Cade had known he’d been… pushing it, the last few weeks, but hadn’t really realized how far he’d been pushing it.  Optimus had quickly alerted him, with great alarm, to the fact that his blood sugar was dangerously low and his body was in desperate need of sleep.  He’d tried to insist that he was fine and the bot was overreacting, but didn’t put up much of a fight, being too overwhelmed by the fact that Optimus was back.

_Optimus Prime was really back_.

He could’ve jumped for joy, if he’d had the strength in his legs.  The truth was, Optimus was right.  Cade had a bad habit of forgetting to take care of himself during a project.  But usually, his projects might last a few hours to a few days.  The house had already been in the works for months. 

Not to mention, his drama about Optimus and Tessa and everything else had driven him to work harder, to forget his problems for a while.  It all added up to a not-so-pretty-picture when Optimus showed up.

“You’re really making a mountain out of a molehill here, Prime,” Cade tried to insist for the third time.  He was sitting on some lumber outside the construction area, with Optimus kneeling in front of him, a stern expression on his face.  The human frowned at the look, that was one part disappointed, one part concerned, and one part determined.  It said he was in a whole heap of trouble.

“I disagree.”  Optimus replied dryly, and his voice, as deep and tremulous as Cade remembered, made him shudder.  He desperately hoped the bot didn’t notice.  “Your daughter feared you were pushing yourself too hard, and I believe she is right.”

“Tessa?”  Oh he should’ve known.  She was such a worrier, like her mother.  “She always worries.  I’m just a little tired and worn out from the sun.  Give me an hour and I’ll be back to work.”

“I don’t think that’s a wise course of action.”  Crossing his arms, Optimus cocked a metal eyebrow.  “Considering you just slipped off the roof.”

“I was distracted!”  The man threw up his arms.  “Can you blame me?  I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you again!”  Immediately, the man flushed scarlet.  He hadn’t meant to be quite that frank.  But by the way Prime’s optics softened at his confession, the words meant something to him.

“At least rest for tonight.”  Optimus asked him.  “Since I am here, now, we can – how do humans say it – make up for lost time?”

A grin slowly spread across Cade’s face.  “Sounds good to me.”

* * *

Consciousness returned slowly and painfully to him the next morning, like a blanket being tugged off him, leaving him cold.  He blinked fitfully, sitting up and groaning at the pain that assaulted him head to foot.  Maybe he had been pushing it too hard…

Glancing at the clock, his eyes went wide.  “Fuck!”  It was already 4 in the afternoon.  Leaping out of bed, he scrambled down the hall and out of the trailer (which he didn’t even remember getting into the night before).  Outside, bare feet brushed across dry Texan earth, scratchy and coarse, but Cade ignored it as he started for the kitchen… only to halt a second later.

“O – Optimus?”

The large figure looming over his house stood up.  “Good afternoon, Cade.”

He… the human stalled, mind reeling, mouth dry.  The events of the night before came flooding back to him – it hadn’t been a dream?  Optimus was really here?

Why…?

“You – what are you doing?”  Cade stepped forward, moving around to the front of the house. 

The bot was standing by the front wall, his hands gently maneuvering the glass of one of the windows.  A strange, alien tool appeared at the end of one finger and seemed to be sealing the glass into the frame.  Shocked, Cade took the sight in, then found his eyes darting about the construction site, noticing a lot of new things.  The gutter was completely finished, the siding was up, the roof was done, the railings on the front porch were put up…

“Optimus, you –“  Stunned beyond belief, he looked up.  “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Neither did you,” Optimus told him.  The tool shut off with a _fwip_ , and he turned to the man.  “That is, you did not need to do this alone.  Why did you not ask for help?”

A blush stole over his face.  Fidgeting, he shrugged.  “I can handle it, boss.”

“I do not doubt your ability, Cade.”  Sounding like a stern father himself, Optimus sighed.  “Tell me you have not been working on your own since I left.”

“Not… entirely.”  Just mostly.  Almost entirely.  “I tried working with a crew, but they weren’t keen on my – alterations.”

“You were tinkering.”  Optimus said the word with clear amusement and fondness, and Cade’s cheeks darkened further.  “You need not worry about me getting in the way of your experimenting, Cade.  I only wish to help.”  The sincerity in his voice touched Cade, made him feel humbled and all too overwhelmed.  What had he done to earn Optimus Prime’s kindness? 

Finally, Cade sighed.  “Alright.  You sure you’re not needed elsewhere?”  Like, across the universe?  But Optimus shook his head.

“There is nowhere I need to be – and nowhere I would rather be.”

O… kay.  “Um.  Right.”  It became suddenly clear to Cade that he was only half dressed and wearing his boxers.  “I’ll, uh – go dress.”  He turned and went right back from where he’d come, heart pounding in his chest and feeling decidedly light headed. 

* * *

A two-man crew would not typically get much done on a daily basis on a project so large as this one – but when one of the “men” was a forty-foot tall alien robot, that changed things up a bit.

Progress on the house started to go amazingly quickly in just a week.  Things that would’ve taken Cade days took the two of them mere hours.  It was still exhausting work, but it was made easier with help and much-needed company.

Cade would never have admitted it aloud, but he was so pleased to have Optimus back.  Not only from how much he’d been missing him, but from how lonely he’d been in general.  Cutting everyone out of his life had taken a larger toll than he’d care to admit.  Having someone to share time with was a great blessing, even if it wasn’t quite the same as being able to sit down to breakfast with Tessa, or watching movies together in the evening…

But it was slightly – awkward.  Cade found himself walking on eggshells around the bot, because it occurred to him… what if Optimus had gotten his message?  What if he hadn’t?  Should he say something?  Should he keep it to himself?

“Is something wrong, Cade?”

The man jumped, glancing at his partner.  “Nah, just tired.”  He dug back into his fried egg sandwich.  It was lunchtime, and he was sitting on the finished front porch, covered in sweat and exhausted but mostly satisfied.  He’d spent the last hour putting the finishing touches on the pocket-screen door (an idea he got from an informercial, but his was way better).  Optimus was sitting nearby in the yard, digging into an energon cube.  Well, hardly “digging”.  Optimus was always so precise and polite about what he did.  He sat watching the bot injest the shimmering blue liquid, until optics that were almost the same color blue met his.  Cade’s face went scarlet and he ducked down.

To his horror, the bot chuckled, his deep timbre shaking him to the bone.  “Given my experience with humans, I’ve learned that such a reaction tends to imply embarrassment.”

Cade about choked on his sandwich.  Coughing, he wiped at his mouth and swallowed before giving a reply.  “You know how hot it is out here?  Skin gets red under the sun, Op.”

“Hmm.”  The thoughtful sound had an edge to it, as did Optimus’s smirk.  The big guy didn’t believe him at all.  Jerk. 

“What are you playing at?”

“Nothing at all.”  Still smirking, the asshole.  Cade’s heart was going a mile a minute. 

They finished lunch, and Cade set his plate aside, stood and brushed his hands off on his messy jeans.  “That’s it for the outside of the house.”  He started, stepping down the stairs.  “You’ve been a great help, big guy, but now that all the work’s inside…”  Coming to stand just beneath the bot, Cade shrugged.  “I’m not sure there’s much you can do.”

Optimus chuckled again, and as close as they were, Cade could have sworn his body actually did shake with the strength of it.  His face heated up again, and looking at Optimus’ optics, he could’ve sworn the jackass _knew_.  By the burning look in his eyes, the heated smirk, he… he couldn’t know…?

“You would be surprised.”  The Autobot leader murmured, before transforming.  Once the truck settled into place, Cade stood in expectation, waiting for… what? 

A guy walked out from behind the truck, and Cade cussed up a storm.  Why didn’t he have his gun on him?  Grabbing the nearest hammer, he waved it in the man’s direction, storming forward.

“Who the hell are you?”  Furious, Cade moved in front of Optimus, forcibly putting himself between the stranger and his friend.  “Are you CIA?  I swear to god, if you put one finger on Prime –“

“Cade, calm yourself!”  The man had his hands up, but he didn’t look afraid for himself.  And it hit Cade.  That voice – it was …

“Optimus?”  Cheeks flushed red and chest tightened, Cade dropped the hammer and swore.  “God, I’m sorry, I – okay now?  This is blushing from embarrassment.”

Optimus laughed at that, and it was so fucking weird hearing that voice coming out of a person.  “It is fine, Cade.  I should have warned you.”

Quickly, the man was overcome with curiosity. “How are you doing this?”  He moved right into the bot’s personal space, running his hands over the figure, eying it up and down and all around.  “It’s some kind of hologram, right?  But it’s solid, almost like a real body…”  He ran his hands over Optimus’s shoulders, marveling in the solidity of them.  He felt really human, with the same warmth and give of human flesh.  Even the clothes, the dark denim jeans and red flannel, felt real.  “This is amazing!”

“I’m glad you approve.”  Optimus smiled as Cade moved back into his line of vision, and the man suddenly realizing he’d basically been feeling the bot up.  Horrified, he dropped his hands quick.

The matter of fact was, Optimus made a handsome human.  Dark skinned, with thick ebony hair falling in waves upon his shoulders, and a strong, full bodied frame right out of a magazine.  The jeans were so tight it was practically sinful.  But looking at it made Cade itch, and not in a good way. 

“But – you…”  It was just – so weird.  So wrong.  But how could he say that to him?  “Uh, okay.  I guess you can help in the house?”

Optimus nodded.  “Lead the way.”

* * *

Work kept going smoothly and steadily as the weeks wore on.  Cade kept waiting for the moment it would happen, that something would force Optimus away, that greater duties would call upon him, that he’d simply grow tired and leave.  Each day it didn’t happen, Cade let out a small sigh of relief.

It continued to amaze him, how much time and energy Optimus was devoting to him, for nothing in return.  It just didn’t make sense. 

“Surely you’ve got more important things you could be doing,” He finally asked one morning, as they were nailing the kitchen linoleum down.  After finishing a tile, Cade glanced up to find Optimus’s eyes on him, steady and sure.

“Nothing is more important than helping a friend.”

The words, the strength and intensity of them, made Cade’s mouth go dry.  “… right.  Okay.”

Things were better with Optimus around.  There was someone to talk to, someone to share the day with, someone to remind him to take his meds.  But he felt more and more that their relationship was dangerously skewed in his direction.  So, one morning, he decided to try and return the favor.

In the early hours, he left the trailer and headed to the backyard with a bucket and sponge.  Only last week Optimus had helped him set up the hose, and he was glad for it now.  Filling the bucket, he lugged it back around the front, to where Optimus sat resting in his alt mode.

Something about this idea screamed stupid.  Almost as stupid as building a radio to send a desperate message across the universe that basically was the equivalent of “do you like me, check yes or no”.  Still, Cade felt really guilty about how hard Optimus had been working for him, and he owed the big guy.  Nothing like taking a risk, right?

Sighing, Cade shrugged.  “Here goes nothing.”

And he put the sponge in the water, soaked it up, and started giving Optimus a wash.

* * *

Optimus awoke slowly, to the feeling of little pricks of electric pleasure tingling through him.  It only took a moment for him to completely break free of recharge, and become aware of his surroundings.

“Cade…?”

“Uh, hey, Boss.”  His tone of voice was obviously unsure, nervous.  “Good morning, I hope?  I don’t know if this is okay – if it isn’t, I am so sorry, I will stop, I just thought you deserved something for all you’ve been doing around here, and you know me, ADD as hell, leaps before looking –“

“Cade.”

The man jumped, shoulders hunched, before giving a weak, “Yeah?”

“… thank you.”

He could practically feel the joy and satisfaction radiating off the human, as he grinned and got back to work.  The gentle rubbing was doing wonders for Optimus.  As Prime, he had little time to relax, and rarely got such a pampering.  It had been quite a long time.  It felt much like a human message, soothing his sore frame.

As Cade worked, Optimus let his mind settle upon the topic which he had been pondering for some time.  That was, the human just by his side.  He had not forgotten Cade’s message; in fact, it was constantly on his mind.  Being on Earth had only solidified the truth for him – Cade did love him.  It was clear in every word the man said, in every line of his body.

Love was a commonality between Cybertronians and humans.  But could they share it?  Optimus still wasn’t sure.  He cared deeply for Cade.  The more time they spent together, the more he found to care for.  He was kind, gentle, so unsure of himself and yet capable of giving others such support and enthusiasm that they believed in themselves more for it.  He was a good man.  And yes, Optimus did love him, but could he dare let that love grow into something even stronger…?

He had tried the human holoform, to see how functioning as one would feel, and it was satisfactory.  He enjoyed being able to look into Cade’s eyes, to see Earth as he did.  It was strange, being so soft, so easily hurt, but he was growing use to navigating in it.  If he and Cade could connect in such a way, perhaps they could bond as lovers…  and Cade could be happy.  That would be enough for Optimus.

* * *

That evening found the two of them sitting in the finished kitchen, as Cade did the dishes from dinner.  Optimus, being a hologram and not a human, could taste the food in a sense, and seemed to enjoy trying it out.  Not that Cade was a very good cook.  Tessa had always been the chef of the family, after…

Cade cleared his throat, shaking the memories away.  He shut the faucet off, leaving a few dishes for later.  It had been a long day, and he was tired.  “Well, big guy, you heading to bed yet?”  He asked, turning around to lean on the counter.

“I am still able to function.”  Optimus told him.  “If you wish to remain awake.”

The last few nights, they’d sat together in the living room – which was mostly finished – and Cade had introduced him to the wonders of human entertainment.  It was fun, but… there was something missing.  And tonight, Cade wanted it back.

“I have a better idea.”  He stepped out of the kitchen, past Optimus, and onto the front porch.  He heard the hologram following him, but gave it little mind.  Cade went straight for the truck parked a few feet away, and tapped on its hood.  “Come on out, big guy.”

There was a short hesitation – then, the grinding of gears as Optimus began transforming.  Cade stepped back, watching with wide eyes the wonder that never grew old.  It made him burn, head to toe, with curiosity and interest, to see such a thing.

“God, you’re amazing.”

“Thank you.”

Cade choked.  “Did I say that out loud?”  He looked up, wide eyed and embarrassed, to see Optimus smiling gently.  The _real_ Optimus.  He couldn’t be too horrified for long, because it was just too good to see him again, in the flesh, so to speak.  He’d spent too long with illusions lately.

“Cade?”

The man glanced back up.  The sky was darkening, the brighter stars just beginning to shine down through the pale pink and blue shell above.  Just beyond Optimus’s shoulder, by his audial, was that star – the heart of Orion.  Shimmering like a diamond in the heavens.

“Sorry, I’m easily distracted,” Cade managed, trying to put some lightness in his voice.  But the entirety of his body felt heavy, weighed down with the moment and its meaning and the thick desire clenching in his gut.  Standing before Optimus then, he knew more than ever that he wanted, no needed, Optimus Prime in a way he hadn’t needed anyone in a long time.  And it ached like an open wound.  “I thought we could hang out here tonight?”

Optimus looked him over for a moment, seemingly confused, his optics as bright as the star behind them.  “Very well.”  He nodded, before taking a seat on the ground by his friend.  Cade almost gave a sigh of relief, before sitting next to him.

They sat in tranquil silence for almost an hour as the nighttime sky drifted overhead.  The world grew darker, to a deep midnight blue, as the crickets began to sing and lightning-bugs started dancing overhead.  Optimus watched them with the wonder of a child, his hand gently lifting into the air after them, never coming close enough to touch or hurt.  Cade watched with a small smile, until Optimus turned his way.

“They’re fireflies.”  He began, standing up. “Or, lightning-bugs, as we call them around here.”  He took a step towards Optimus, hands on his leg, then hesitated, glancing up.  With an indulgent smile, Optimus nodded, and Cade climbed up onto his leg.  Unsteady feet led him over the metallic surface, that twisted and curved into such an elegant form.  He managed to scramble over to Optimus’s uplifted hand, using one hand on the mech’s arm to balance himself. 

A firefly flew by his head, and Cade watched it, letting it go.  The next one he saw came closer, and he snatched it quick, hand gently closing around it, much as Optimus had cradled him only a few weeks ago.  He turned and unfurled his hand in the mech’s outstretched palm, and the bug swiftly crawled out, onto him.  For a few moments it explored, crawling about the strange surface, and Optimus watched it with awe and wonder. 

“Your world contains so much beauty.”

A dark thought darted across Cade’s mind, and he frowned.  “A lot of nasty shit, too.”  He thought of Attinger, of those members of the CIA who had killed so many, and caused so much pain… his hands clenched into tight fists.

Optimus’s large palm closed gently over Cade’s that was still resting in his hand.  “The sins of your brethren are not your own.”   Optimus told him.  “It is over.  You were never at fault.”

“I almost did the same thing.”

“But you did not.  You made a different choice, and I owe you my life for it.”

Still, he couldn’t chase away the dark pit of loathing inside him, the emptiness that sometimes swelled in his heart and overtook him.  Had he taken his meds in a while?  It was about that time … but it could wait.  He wasn’t leaving Optimus.  He would just put up with the depressive spell while it lasted.

Eyes drifted up to their hands, entwined.  The difference was astounding when placed so close together.  His hand, a mere fraction of the size of Optimus’s.  The metal surrounding it shone and almost glowed in the starlight, strong and unbending, so much more impressive than his weak, freckled flesh.

What in the world was he thinking?

Frowning, Cade tugged his hand free, and Optimus easily let him go.  What strength he had, that he could crush him in an instant, but he was always so gentle and soft with Cade.  It made his heart warm and flutter to think of, but those were foolish thoughts… foolish…

What was he doing?  He was wasting time.  Optimus was a Cybertronian, the leader of the Autobots, with his own duties and responsibilities, his own family, and he couldn’t stay here forever.  But here he was, for some reason, instead of on his great mission or with his people.  He was here.  Why?  It couldn’t be because… because…

Throat tightening, Cade looked to the stars. 

“See that?”  He pointed skyward, and Optimus’s gaze followed.  “That star there, we call it Rigel.”  Ever patient, Optimus simply waited as Cade pondered his words.  “… when you were gone, that’s the star I thought of as you, as your… soul.”  The words could barely get out, he was so choked up by it.  By the foolishness of this, the vulnerability of it.  He cleared his throat nervously.  “I don’t know why, I guess just because it’s so bright and beautiful, and it’s – it’s part of a constellation of this great warrior, I don’t know the stories, just that it’s called Orion.”

At that, Optimus finally spoke.  “Orion?”

“Yeah, he,” Cade tried to keep speaking over his pounding heart.  His hands were starting to shake.  Why was he doing this?  “He was some Greek warrior that was honored by the Gods and placed in the sky.  Supposedly.  Who knows.”

“That was my name, once.”

“What?”  He spun round to find the bot gazing at the sky, his optics distant and awed. 

“My name, before I was Prime.  It was Orion.”  Slowly, his half-lidded gaze turned back to Cade, filled with warm fondness.  “We’ve known each other for such a short time, and yet you seemed to know my very spark.  To be able to look up to the sky and pluck my name from the stars… you are truly a wonderful person, Cade Yaeger.”

Cade went stock still, rigid head to foot, heart pounding in his ears.  He couldn’t think of anything to say, of anyway to respond.  So he stood in the silence, warm heady joy pulsing in his veins.  Before he could recover, he found himself yawning.

“It is quite late.”  The bot replied, as if he hadn’t just dropped such a bombshell.  “Perhaps you should rest.”

“I’m about tired enough to just sleep right here.”  The human admitted.  Every bone and joint in his body ached, and the walk back to his trailer almost seemed like too much.

“Or,” Suddenly, the world around him spun, the sound of transformation echoing all around him.  When it was through, he found himself laying on his back in a bed… inside Optimus’s cab.  Behind the front seats was a sleeper, long enough for Cade to stretch out pretty comfortably.  “You could sleep here.”

“Optimus, I,” Sitting up, the man chuckled nervously.  “I was only kidding.”  Well, half kidding.  “You don’t have to do this.”

“I would like to.  Unless it makes you uncomfortable?”

The exact opposite.  The idea warmed his heart and, well – he shouldn’t think about that.  “If you’re sure.”

He fell back, reveling in the warmth of the bed, and when his eyes slipped shut, he was gone.


End file.
